Beautiful Boy
by OriginalPippie
Summary: Bam has been suffering from a bad depression. Durring this depression he starts to believe that he is a kid again and winds up in the hospital.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
Bam stood and stared at the reflected image that was mocking him. He frowned and tried to tear his gaze away from what he saw.

Taking his hands up to the sides of his face as if to scrub the appalling mess away, he paused and then lowered them again with a heavy sigh. He knew that he wouldn't be able to simply wash away the things that were bothering him.

"I can't stand it." He said softly to himself.

"What's that?" Jenn asked from the next room.  
Bam was stunned for he didn't think that she would be able to hear what he said.

"I… nothing. It's nothing." He shook his head and looked into the mirror again before turning away.

He slowly made his way back into his bedroom, shuffling his feet over the floor as he moved. Jenn stood up from the bed and went up to him, then paused in her spot when she caught sight of the look on his face.

"What's the matter?"

"I said… it was nothing." He brought his hands up to cover his eyes.

Then he pushed his hands back further, causing them to go up under his hat.

"You know you're the worst liar I've ever known, Bam. What gives?"

Bam sighed. "I don't…" He opened his eyes and tried not to look at her. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

He looked at her slightly gape-mouthed and tried to find the words to describe the way he was feeling.

"I don't… I… it's everything." He stammered.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything in my life, Jenn. I just… I don't like anything. Nothing feels right to me. And I don't even… I look in the mirror and I just can't see what everyone else sees."

"Oh Bam." She brought him into a hug.

Then when she realized that he wasn't going to hug back, she dropped her arms and stepped away from him.

"Ok. Ok then. Come sit on the bed with me and we'll talk about it."

She took Bam loosely by the hand and led him over to the bed. She sat down nicely on the edge while Bam collapsed all his weight into the mattress and melted into the bed.

He hadn't been acting like himself for a while and this was this first time Jenn actually spoke to him about it. Normally he wouldn't give into spewing forth his deepest feelings and thoughts, but since Jenn didn't pounce right away on him, this conversation came out easily.

"I don't know what it is Jenn. I don't know why I'm feeling like this… where nothing seems right to me, nothing appeals to me… I don't even like the way I look or anything. Well I never really did like my looks. But everyone has always told me how good looking I am, and how handsome I am, and how cute I am. I just never bought it." He paused and laid his head in Jenn's lap.

"How could everyone look at me, and see this and say 'oh how cute!' I don't get it. I mean come on. I have this fat face that looks like I'm storing food for the winter. And I have this oddly shaped nose that looks worse at profile. Then there's the haggard mole on my cheek. I've always hated it being there. I know it's not that big but it's still there bugging the hell out of me. And don't tell me that I can just get plastic surgery to fix these things either. I know I can, but it still won't fix anything. It will just be like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound."

"Bam how can you be saying these things about yourself?"

"Because it's true! I hate everything about myself. I hate the life I live. It started out fine, but now I feel like I don't even deserve it all. How did I get where I am Jenn? By acting stupid in front of the cameras. It wasn't my skateboarding. Now whenever I go out people are expecting this crazy personality, and I can't always give it to them. There's more to me than being a lunatic and they can't accept that for some reason."

Jenn plucked Bam's hat off of his head and dropped it to the floor. Then she began to run her hands over his flattened out brown curls.

She knew that there wasn't anything that she could have said to make him feel better. Instead she let him rest in her lap and continue explaining his feelings of self-pity to her. He just needed a kind ear listening to his words for a while, and she was the one to provide it.

Though the whole time he spoke to her, she couldn't help worrying about him, and wondering how anyone could possess such an image that he carried of himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The days went by and Bam's depression grew glaringly worse. Jenn had no idea what to do to help him. All she could do was stand back and watch him hurt himself internally.

It pained her to do so, but she knew that with Bam, it was the best thing for her to do.

Bam stood on the deck, gazing out toward the yard below. He leaned up against the wooden railing and tried to find comfort in anything around him that would give it. He blew the air out of his cheeks and turned around toward the house.

He tilted his head back and closed his eyes tight, which released some warm tears that rolled down his cheeks. The tears made a trail that stained the skin on the side of his face as he slowly slid down into sitting position.

Burying his face into his knees, he allowed more and more tears to press against his pant legs. Jenn saw him crying on the deck and came out to make an attempt to comfort him. She knelt down in front of him and placed her arms firmly around his shoulders, drawing him close to her.

"It's ok Bam. It's ok." She cooed softly.

"I don't get it. Why am I feeling like this?"

"I don't know Bam."

"I have a good life, right?"

"Yes you have a very good life Bam."

"Then why do I hate everything in it?" He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know. I wish I knew what to tell you."

He buried his face into her shoulder.

"Oh there's nothing wrong with my life. But I can't stand it. I… I… I have all these great things and got them all on my own. I have lots of money and fame and people who love me…. It's just meaningless. The things I mean. I don't deserve the life I have. I don't want it. I want to be normal but no one will ever see me as normal. I hate it. I hate it and I wish there was a way I could escape this life for a while and live a different one. But I can't. I'm fucking stuck."

Jenn held him tight and rocked him gently as he continued to cry.

"I don't know what to do." He blubbered. "I hate my life, I hate everything about myself… I don't know what to do."

"Come on Bam." She whispered. "Let's go inside, ok sweetie?"

"Ok." He sniffed.

"I'll put you to bed. You probably need it. I don't think you've gotten much sleep lately any way."

Jenn stood up slowly with him and draped his arm around her shoulders. He hung his head low as the two of them went inside.

She brought him into the bedroom and he crawled into bed. The tears had slowed considerably but he lied there sniffing for a while, trying to control the tears that were still falling.

Once Jenn knew that Bam was asleep she decided to leave him alone. She stood in the doorway for a moment and looked at him curled up in bed. He looked like a small child lying there, snuggling his pillow for security.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Bam spent the next few days in bed. The only time he left the comfort of his bed was when he had to use the bathroom, but since he wasn't eating or drinking anything those bathroom trips were very few.

Jenn hadn't told anyone about Bam's depression, because she was hoping it would pass on it's own. But she realized it was really to protect herself from seeing it for how bad it really was.

It had been a while since either of his friends had come to see him, so they were clueless as to what Bam was going through.

They had planned on playing a prank on Bam while he was sleeping, and Jenn wasn't around. Raab Ryan and Brandon quietly approached the sleeping Bam.

"You got it?" Ryan whispered to Raab.

"Yeah. He's going to freak."

"Shh!" Brandon cautioned. "Here slowly place it on his face."

Brandon and Ryan quietly guided Raab in putting a large snake on Bam's face. Bam woke up to the touch of the snake and he sprang up with wide eyes.

"What is that!" He shouted, throwing the snake off of him. "Oh my God! Get it away from me!"

Bam shook and screamed in horror as he tried to back away from the snake in his bed. The other three guys stood back and laughed.

"You scream just like your mom!" Raab said through his hysterics.

Bam brought his hands over his eyes."It's not fucking funny! Get that fucking thing away from me now!"

"Chill out Bam it's only a snake." Ryan said, picking up the reptile.

"Get it away from me now! Get the fucking thing out of here! Please I don't want it near me!"

They continued to laugh and tease Bam with the snake, unaware of the tears that were behind his hands that still covered his eyes. Jenn heard the commotion and rushed into the bedroom.

"What the hell is going on in here? What are you guys? Five years old?" She pushed them away from the bed. "Don't you realize what you're doing to him?"

"Geeze Jenn. It was only a prank."

"I don't want to hear it Dunn! Look at him!"

"What's your problem?" Brandon asked.

"What's my problem? If you guys weren't acting like five year olds all the time, I wouldn't have to tell you that Bam has been suffering from a really bad depression lately, and now that prank you pulled is probably going to make him worse. Thanks a hell of a lot guys."

"Jenn… we didn't know."

"Of course not. Just do us a favor and leave now."

They backed out of the room timidly as Jenn took to Bam's trembling side. She sat on the bed near Bam's feet and reached out with one hand toward him. He twitched away from her.

"Bam it's ok. It's just me."

"Are they gone?"

"Yes Bam they're gone."

"That snake's not here is it?"

"No Bam they took the snake with them."

"Seriously?'

"Yes it's safe. No more snakes."

Bam slowly removed his shaking hands from his face and looked around him. His eyes were shining of fear and tears that had not yet fallen.

He tried to calm his breath as he searched the room with his eyes for traces of the snake.

"Bam?"

"Why would they do that to me?" he asked with a quivering lip.

"I don't know Bam. They're idiots."

Bam looked at her, unable to fight the rest of his tears, and leaned forward into her arms. "Hold me Jenn. I'm scared."

"Bam." She almost laughed. "Bam the snake is gone. I told you."

"It's not just the snake. It's not just the snake."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know but… something's not right. Just… just hold me please."

"Ok." Jenn patted him on the back and pulled him into a hug.

They sat there in that position for a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The house was dark and everything was still. Bam rolled over, still fast asleep, and pulled out of Jenn's loose embrace. He kicked a couple times and soon lost his comfort. He sat up, still with eyes closed, and sat in that spot for a moment or two.

His eyes opened slowly and he gazed into the darkness. A cold panic ran through his body as he stood up out of bed.

"Where am I?" He whispered to himself. "I have to… I have to find dad and mom."

He blindly made his way over to the door and cracked it open. The hallway was dark too, which made his panic worse.

He peered out the door and his eyes widened. This wasn't the hallway that led to his mom and dad's room. This wasn't the house he was used to.

"Dad?" He could feel the hot tears form in the back of his eyes. "Mom? Where are you?"He sat down on the floor in the hallway and his tears began to fall.

"Where's my mom and dad?" He whimpered.

Jenn woke up to the sound of Bam's soft whimpering. She got out of bed and walked over to the door where Bam was.

She turned the hall light on and looked down at Bam. He was sitting on the floor in Indian style, rocking back and forth slightly as he cried. He looked up at her.

"Where's my mom and dad? Who are you?"

"Bam what's the matter?"

"I wanna know where my mom and dad is. Where's my mom and dad?"

"Bam you're scaring me. Why are you doing this?"

"Don't call me Bam. You're not allowed to! I don't know you so you call me Brandon!"

"Ba… Brandon what's wrong?" She asked, trying not to sound worried, which she very much was.

"I want my mom and dad. Where are they?' He asked, continuing to sound like a small child.

Jenn decided the best thing to do was to go along with Bam. He was obviously out of his mind, thinking that he was a little kid again.

She stooped down next to him and wiped a couple of his tears away for him.

"Hush now. It's ok Brandon. You must have forgot, did you?"

"Forgot what?'

"Well…" She thought of a lie that would satisfy him. "Your mom and dad aren't here right now. They'll be here to pick you up tomorrow."

"Are you my babysitter?"

"Yes. Yes I'm your babysitter. Now dry your tears. Everything will be all right Brandon."

"What's your name?" His tears came to a stop.

"I'm Jenn."

"Jenn? So you're watching me tonight?"

"Yes Brandon."

"W…where's Jess Jess?" He asked with a sniff.

"Jess Jess? Oh well…. He's with your mom and dad."

"Why?"

"I uh…" She paused and looked at him. "Well let's not worry about that right now. Time for you to get back to bed, ok Brandon?"

"Can I stay up some?"

"No. No Brandon you have to go back to bed. Come on."

She had him stand up and took his hand as she led him into the room. He stopped and looked at her with pleading eyes.

"Jenn? Could you carry me? Please?" He held his arms out, waiting for her to pick him up.

"Why? The bed's right there."

"But… But it's dark and scary. Carry me please."

"No Brandon. You're a big boy. You don't need me to carry you."

He put his arms down and pouted. "Ok." He held his hand out and closed his eyes. "You don't have to carry me. But hold my hand. It's too dark."

"Ok Brandon. Just let me turn the hall light off first."

She stepped onto the hall and flipped the light off. When she returned, she took Bam by the hand and led him back into bed.

Jenn tucked Bam in bed and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Bam slowly closed his eyes.

"G'nite Jenn." He said boyishly.

"Good night Brandon. Sweet dreams."

Once she knew that Bam was asleep, Jenn quietly walked around to the other side of the bed and lied down. She watched Bam sleep for a while and thought to herself.

She was hoping that this was only a bad dream, and that when she woke up in the morning, Bam would be acting like he was before. She would take the deeply depressed Bam over the Bam who thought he was a little boy.

This side of him scared her even more than anything else.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next day was no better. Bam hadn't snapped out of it, and it appeared as though he wasn't going to. Jenn had no idea what to do, so she decided to play along with Bam's delusions. As much as it killed her to see Bam act this way, she knew it was the best thing for him at the moment.

Bam sat on the floor, rolling a skateboard he found back and fourth in front of him with is hand. Jenn was in the kitchen fixing Bam the lunch he requested;a typical child's peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crust cut off. It had to have the peanut butter on top and it had to be cut diagonally or the little prince Bam Bam would refuse to eat it, again.

"Jenn?"

"Yes Brandon?"

"I'm bored."

"Sorry to hear that Brandon. Didn't you find that skateboard upstairs?"

"Yeah. But I can't ride it. You were going to show me how."

"That's right I was, wasn't I? Well your lunch is ready any way. I'll show you how to skateboard when you're done eating, ok?'

"Promise?"

"Yes I promise. But I warn you, I haven't been on a skateboard in ages."

"That's ok. I just want someone to show me how."

" Brandon come here and eat your sandwich at the table please."

"'K."

Bam stood up and kicked the skateboard out of his way. Instead of nicely walking straight into the kitchen, he decided to take the most interesting and fun path as possible, which drove Jenn nuts.

He spied Mischief and Trouble in the corner and decided to pay them a visit.

"You have key keys!" He squealed as he reached for Trouble's tail. "I love key keys!"

Trouble howled as Bam pulled on his tail, which caused Mischief to run away. Bam let go of Trouble's tail and Trouble took off, followed by a giggling and squealing Bam.

" Brandon! You leave those cats alone!" Jenn yelled.

"But I was playing with the key keys!"

"No you weren't playing with them, you were terrorizing the poor things. Now come here and eat your sandwich."

"I wanna play with the key keys. Can I please?"

"I'm sorry Brandon. You can't play with the key keys until you learn how to play nice with them."

"But I'm a nice boy. Why can't I play with them?"

"You are a nice boy Brandon. But the key keys don't like it when you pull their little tails and chase after them. You understand?"

"Ok."

"Good. Eat your sandwich and afterwards I'll show you how to skateboard and, if you promise to be nice to them, I'll let you play with the key keys. But only if you finish all of your sandwich and milk. Ok?"

"Ok. I promise."

"And I mean all of it."

"Ok! I'll eat it all." He paused and sat down, staring at the glass of milk with a frown. "And the milk too?"

"Yes and the milk too." She said as she pushed his chair in.

"But it's gross. Can I have soda?"

"No Brandon, drink your milk it's good for you."

Bam groaned and began to eat his sandwich. Just like any other little kid, he purposely saved his milk for last, and tried to trick Jenn into thinking he was drinking it.

Jenn caught him as he was about to pour the milk down the sink and stood there watching him as he drank every last drop.

Later that evening Bam stood gazing out the window towards the driveway. His hands and nose were pressed up against the glass as he focused on the driveway as if he were expecting someone to come.

" Brandon what are you doing?"

"They're not coming are they?"

"Who?"

"My mom and dad. They're not coming."

"Uh, no sweetie they're not."

Bam turned around to face her, showing the heartache all over his face. "You lied to me last night." He said with a quivering lip.

"What are you talking about?"

"You told me that my mom and dad was coming to pick me up today."

"Oh that's right I did."

"You lied to me. The sun is almost gone and they're not here. Why aren't they here? Why?"

" Brandon it's ok."

Bam sank into the floor and tears ran from his eyes.

"Where's my mom and dad? You said they were coming to pick me up! Where are they?"

Jenn rushed up to him and tried to wrap her arms around him. He pushed her away from him and cried harder.

"I want my mom and dad!"

" Brandon really it's ok. Listen to me sweetie. They are coming to pick you up, they just got a little delayed that's all."

"You're lying to me!"

"No I'm not. Look I talked to your mom on the phone. She told me that they wouldn't be able to pick you up until sometime tomorrow. Ok?"

"You sure?" He sniffed and more tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Yes I'm sure. Now calm down. It's getting time for your bath any way."

"I don't wanna take a bath!"

"You have to Brandon."

"Why?"

"I said so."

"That's not fair!" He stuck his lower lip out firmly.

"Tough."

Jenn brought Bam upstairs and ran a bath for him. Since he hadn't been getting out of bed until that day, he needed a bit of cleaning up. Jenn knew that because of his condition this was the best opportunity to get him to wash like he needed to do.

When Bam was done with his bath and in clean clothes, Jenn read him a story or two on the couch. After the stories she then sent Bam back upstairs to bed.

She stood in the doorway and watched as Bam fell asleep. Then after leaving Bam's earshot, she slid down to the floor and leaned against the wall.

She wrapped her arms around her legs and shed some tears. It hurt her so much to see Bam act this way.

"Oh God, Bam, what are you doing to me? Why must you constantly make me worry about you? I can't take this, I just can't."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Pick up. Please pick up damn it." Jenn said, over the phone as she waited for a response on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

"Phil! Great you're home. I have to talk to you about Bam."

"Bam? What's the matter?" Phil caught the sense of urgency in Jenn's voice.

"He's not good. He… has April told you anything? I talked to her the other day."

"About his depression? Ape told me everything you said. It was a bit sketchy though. Is he all right? He's not suicidal or anything is he?"

"No he's not suicidal, Thank God. But he's not good. I think you and April should come see him." Jenn felt a tugging at her shirtsleeve and turned to look at the source. "What?"

"Who are you talking to? Is that my dad?"

"Yes Brandon."

"Can I talk to him? I wanna talk to him. Please?"

"Hold on." She turned away from Bam. "Phil you still there?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with Bam?"

"He's not right. He thinks that he's a little kid, and I don't think there's any…"

"Let me talk to my dad. I wanna talk to him." Bam interrupted.

"There's no convincing him otherwise." She continued. "You and April should come here right away."

"Jenn? Jenn?" He tugged on her shirtsleeve.

"Hold on a sec Phil." She snapped her head toward Bam. "What is it Brandon? I'm on the phone."

"Is that my dad?"

"Yes it's your dad. Now let me talk to him."

"I wanna talk to him!" He stomped his foot.

"Fine! Just give me a minute ok?" She went back to the phone. "Sorry 'bout that."

"Was that Bam?"

"Yes. He really wants to talk to you. But um… just play along with him. Oh and call him Brandon or add an extra Bam or he'll get upset."

"Ok. Put him on."

Jenn handed Bam the phone. He put it up to his ear with both hands.

"Hi dad?"

"Hey kiddo. How… how are you doing?"

"I'm fine." he began to dance in his spot. "When are you and mom picking me up?"

"Uh… soon. Very soon Bam Bam. Can you hang in there until we get there?"

"Yeah."

"You being a good boy and listening to Jenn?"

"Yes dad I'm a good boy."

"Ok. We'll be there soon to pick you up. Put Jenn back on please."

"Ok." Bam held the phone toward Jenn. "He wants to talk to you some more."

"Ok thank you Brandon. Can you go play while I talk to him?"

"Can I play with the key keys?"

"If you play nicely with them."

"Yay!"

Bam ran off to look for the cats and Jenn went back to talking to Phil.

"See? He's pretty bad. He actually believes he's a kid. I'm worried about him."

"This isn't good. I'll uh… I'll talk to April and then we'll come over."

"I don't know what to do about him Phil. It scares me." She said with a lump in her throat.

"Me too. We'll think of some way to help him."

"I sure hope so. I can hardly take care of Bam when he's acting his age, it's even harder now that he's… like this."

"I know Jenn. I know. April and I will be over soon. And the three of us will figure this thing out."

Shortly after Phil explained briefly to April what was going on, they arrived at Bam's house. Bam saw them pull up the driveway and came running out of the house and up to them, closely followed by Jenn.

He wrapped his arms around Phil. "You came to take me home!"

"Yes, Brandon we're here to take you home." Phil said softly. He looked at a shocked April beside him, and signaled for her to act normal.

She smiled at Bam "Did you miss us honey?"

"Yes. But Jenn is the best babysitter ever! Her house is neat; it looks like a castle inside. You know like from a storybook. She tried to show me how to skateboard but she fell down on her butt. She's ok though. Oh! She has two key keys named Mister and Tubbles." He rambled excitedly.

April looked at Jenn confused for a second. "Mister and Tubbles?"

"Oh! He means Mischief and Trouble." Jenn said.

"That's what I said!"

"So you had a good time with Jenn, didn't you?" April asked with a smile.

Bam nodded. "Where's Jess Jess? I wanna tell him I got to spend time with Jenn and he didn't."

"Jess Jess is at home, Brandon." Phil answered.

"Oh. Well that's ok I can tell him later."

" Brandon could you go inside while I talk to your parents?"

"Ok."

Bam hugged his parents and then skipped back into the house. Jenn looked at Phil and April.

"That's exactly what I was talking about."

"When did this happen?"

"He just woke up in the middle of the night, the other night, and he was looking for you. I had to tell him that I was his babysitter and that you were going to pick him up the next day, which was yesterday."

"And then we didn't show up. Poor Bam. Phil he must have been heartbroken."

"He started crying when he realized you guys weren't coming, and he said that I lied to him. So I told him I talked to you, April, and you said you and Phil were delayed." She paused. "I hate to think this, but I hate seeing Bam this way even more. But I think we should have Bam committed."

Phil and April both bowed their heads sadly. They looked at each other and then at Jenn.

"You're right. He's clearly not well." Said Phil.

"I would hate to do this to my baby, but… what else can we do? He certainly can't go on like this."

"What should we do?" Jenn asked.

"Well…." Phil paused and took a sad breath. "Go get Bam. We shouldn't waste any time."

"But Phil we can't…"

"Ape he needs this. We're here now and he's expecting us to take him home. We might as well take him now."

"Ok. Ok Phil. You're right." She looked at Jenn. "Go… go get him."

Jenn nodded and headed back inside. Phil gave April a hug while they were waiting.

"It will be ok Ape. Bam needs this. You can see that he does."

"I know. But this shouldn't be happening to my baby."

Jenn returned with Bam close at tow. Phil barely finished asking Bam if he was ready to go when Bam ran into the backseat of the car. They didn't say a word to Bam where they were really going.

They just let him believe that they were going home. As the car pulled out of the driveway, Bam waved to Jenn as happily as he could be. He was none the wiser, which made his parents and Jenn feel even worse about what was happening.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Bam and April sat in the hard chairs as Phil filled out the forms at the front desk. Bam fidgeted in his seat and swung his legs against the legs of the chair.

"Mom?" He whined. "Why do we have to be here? It's boring."

"I know honey. Just hang in there."

Phil came over to them holding a clipboard in his hand. "You're supposed to sign it here." He said to April, handing her the pen.

"Ok." She took the clipboard and scribbled her signature. "Here Phil." She handed the clipboard to him.

Phil took the clipboard back up to the desk and then sat down to wait. A few minutes later a nurse came up to them.

"Mr. And Mrs. Margera?"

"Yes?" They asked at the same time.

"Is this Brandon?" Bam looked up at his name.

"Yes it is."

"Come along please."

April looked at Bam.

"Come on Bam Bam. Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"We just have to follow the nice nurse."

"Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh what?"

"The last time you said that I had to get a shot. Am I getting a shot?"

April smiled sadly at him."No sweetie you're not getting a shot."

The nurse led them down the hall and showed them to where Bam was going to be staying. A doctor joined them on the tour to explain everything to them. Phil turned to Bam when the doctor was about to take him to his room.

"Bam Bam now listen to me. Mom and I love you very, very much. You know that?"

"Yeah."

"Well since we love you, we feel it's best to leave you here for a while."

"What? I don't understand. Where are we?"

"This is a hospital, Bam Bam. We and the doctor think you should be here."

"I don't understand. I'm not sick am I? I feel fine."

"Listen. I know you don't understand what's going on. This… this is a special hospital. You have to be here so… so you can get better."

"But I'm not sick. Why do I have to be in the hospital?' He stared at them with wide scared eyes. His lower lip began to tremble. "Why are you leaving me here? Don't you… don't you love me any more?" Tears began to fall from his frightened eyes.

"Bam Bam we love you with all of our hearts. You should know that." April said.

"But why are you getting rid of me?"

" Brandon we're not getting rid of you. Please, just go with the doctor and everything will be all right."

"But…" The tears were falling faster.

"Come on Brandon. I'll take you to your room." Said the doctor as he took Bam by the hand.

Bam looked at the doctor and then at his parents. He dropped the doctor's hand. "No! I don't wanna go! You can't make me!" He plopped down to the floor and sat in Indian style, determined not to budge.

" Brandon please go with the doctor."

"No!"

" Brandon he's a nice doctor. Please just go with him."

Bam covered his ears with is hands. "No I don't wanna! I'm not going!" He blubbered. "I promise to be a very good boy. Please don't get rid of me!"

Phil bent down and hugged him. He loosened his grip on Bam an wiped his tears away.

"Brandon this has nothing to do with you being bad, and we're not getting rid of you. We're only doing this because we love you. I know you don't understand what's going on, and everything is probably really scary for you right now. But please you have to go with the doctor now. Mom and I will come visit you all the time. But you have to be brave for us, ok?"

"Ok." Bam said with a sniff. "I'll be brave." He said even though he still unsure of what was happening.

"Ok?" Bam nodded. "Ok then, let's stand up now, and go with the doctor to your room. Mom and I will come to visit you real soon. Don't worry son."

"You promise?"

"Yes Brandon I promise."

Bam looked up at the doctor as he stood up. He placed his hand in the doctor's hand. And then he took one last glance at his parents as they walked away. April took to Phil's side and sadly leaned her head against his shoulder as they watched Bam and the doctor walk down the hall. Bam took glances back at his parents every few steps they took. Tearstains were evident on his cheeks.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Bam had been in the hospital for a week before he was allowed any visitors. His parents and Jess were the first ones to visit him. Bam clung to his parents at first, while practically, though not purposely, shunning Jess. That was because he didn't recognize this "big boy" as his brother, since he was expecting to see Jess as a little kid.

They were trying to get Bam to realize that he was much older than he believed he was. Bam just thought they were being silly and went on his merry, delusional, way.

Jenn had stopped by as well, much to Bam's surprise. But he quickly grew attached to her, making her his new favorite playmate.

As much fun as he was having with Jenn and his big brother Jess when they were there, he couldn't help but complain that there was no one there his age to play with. He had to be constantly reminded that he was actually twenty-five and not five years old, but he didn't buy it.

One day his friends, including Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O, came to visit him. Bam, of course, didn't have the slightest clue who they were. Since, in his mind, he was only about five years old, he had forgotten the people he met when he was in his late teens and early twenties.

"Hello there." Brandon said as they all sat at a table with Bam. "What's your name?"

"Brandon."

"Really? That's cool because my name is Brandon too."

"It is?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes. Nice to meet you." He shook Bam's hand.

"We heard that you have been kind of… down in the dumps lately because you don't have any one to play with you around here."

"Ev'ryone here is too old. And they're funny, but not the kind of funny that makes you laugh."

"That's too bad. Well that's why we're here, Brandon." Ryan said. "I'm Ryan by the way."

"Hi Ryan."

"And this is Raab Himself." Ryan continued.

"You have a funny name." Bam giggled.

"Yeah?" Raab said. "Well it's not as funny as his name. You know what his name is?' Bam shook his head. "His name is Rake."

"Rake!" Bam started laughing. "That's funny!"

"Oh hey." Johnny said once Bam stopped laughing. "We haven't introduced ourselves yet. I'm Johnny, and this guy is Steve-O."

"Nice to meet you." Bam said with a grin.

"Well aren't you a polite little boy. Who taught you that?"

"My mom did. And my dad."

"Oh well they did a good job. Hope we don't ruin it." Brandon said, half sarcastically.

"Oh Brandon." Johnny said to Bam. "Do you have any nicknames? Because we don't want to confuse you and the other Brandon."

"Bam Bam."

"Bam Bam? That's a good nickname. How did you get it?"

"Pop pop calls me it."

"Your Pop pop calls you Bam Bam?" Asked Johnny. Bam answered with a nod. "Would you like us to call you Bam Bam?"

"I like Bam Bam."

"Ok so we'll take that as a yes then." Ryan said.

There was a Styrofoam tray sitting on the table in front of Bam that held the remnants of a meal. Steve-O spied the tray and pointed to it.

"Hey Bam Bam, what's that tray for?" He asked.

"That was my lunch."

"Doesn't look like you finished all of it." Raab said in a mock-scolding tone.

Bam looked at the tray. The only thing that was left on it was a couple pieces of asparagus. Bam frowned.

"Yeah that's sparegis. It's icky so I didn't eat it."

"Well I wouldn't want to eat the icky sparegis either." Steve-O said. "But I can take care of that for you."

"How?"

"Watch this."

Steve-O picked up the offending pieces of asparagus and turned around in his seat, making sure that no one could see what he was doing. He turned back around and he had a piece of asparagus hanging from each nostril in his nose.

"There, all taken care of." Bam started laughing, which caused the other guys to laugh as well. "What? What's so funny? Oh man do I have something hanging from my nose?"

"You're so funny!" Bam squealed. "The sparegis is in your nose!" He clapped his hands as he started laughing again.

"The sparegis is in my nose? Well how'd it get up there?"

"You put it up there!" Bam said through his hysterics.

Ryan reached over and pulled the asparagus from Steve-O's nose and put it back on the tray.

"Ok Steve-O that's enough of that. We got the joke."

"Do it again!" Bam protested.

"No. I can only put things up my nose once a day. Doctor's orders."

"Awwww!" Groaned Bam.

Johnny looked at Bam with a grin. "Hey you want to see something neat?"

"Yeah!"

"Come here. I got a secret for ya." Johnny whispered in Bam's ear, and Bam giggled. "Try it."

"Ok."

A second later Rake jumped up from his spot and shouted in pain.

"What's the matter Rake?"

"That fucker just kicked my shin under the table!" Rake pointed to Bam.

Bam gasped. "Ooooohhhh…. You just said a naughty word!"

The other guys laughed at how cute Bam sounded.

"Man Rake! Can't you control your potty mouth for once?" Brandon asked.

"Yeah. Hey Bam Bam what should we do to teach Rake a lesson?' Asked Ryan.

"Um… get the soap!" Bam chimed. "He said a naughty word now you have to wash his mouth out!" He sang.

"All right, you heard him Rake. Raab go find some soap so we can wash his mouth out like Bam Bam said."

"No! You're not going to wash my mouth out with soap. I just won't say it again."

"Them's the rules Rake. You say a naughty word and you get your mouth washed out with soap. Right Bam Bam?"

Raab returned with a bar of soap from the restroom and shoved it into Rake's mouth. The rest of them laughed as Rake spit the soap out.

"That stuff is nasty!" Rake complained.

"Well you shouldn't have said that naughty word, right Bam Bam?"

"Right!"

The group of guys sat and had a good time for a while. Finally the nurse came up to the table and said that visiting hour was over. Bam looked at them with a smile as they started to leave.

"You're going to see me again, aren't you?" He asked hopefully.

"Of course we are, Bam Bam." Ryan said.

"We wouldn't miss hanging out with you for the world." Brandon added.

They messed up Bam's hair with a few noogies, and said their goodbyes. Then Bam was escorted back to his room for some rest. So far that day was the best day he had while at the hospital.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
As the weeks went by, Bam's condition hadn't changed. It appeared as though he was going to perpetually live with the mind of a five year old.

His family and friends were told to try some experimental exercises with Bam, when they paid him a visit, to try to help him back into reality. They were told to try talking to him, and treating him like the adult that he was.

They were told to allow Bam to tell them everything that was on his mind, kind of like in a therapy session, in hopes of finding something that might have been some sort of a trigger to his behavior.

None of the exorcises were getting them anywhere with him, because Bam had no interest in them. All Bam wanted to do during the visits was play.

Jenn sat in one of the chairs and pulled out her compact to check her makeup. Bam snuck up from behind her and placed his chin on her shoulder. He loved every minute that he got to spend with her. It wasn't just because she always played with him, whatever he wanted to play, and she always let him win at the games. For some reason he felt drawn to her, like he knew that she should have been more than his best friend. But he couldn't put his finger on what it was; he just didn't have the capability of understanding why he was attracted to her.

She smiled as she reached back toward him with her hand, and patted him on the head.

"You're so cute Brandon."

"Whatcha doin'?"

"I'm checking my makeup."

She showed him the compact in her hand.

He came around to her side and sat on his knees. "Can I see your mirror?"

"Sure."

She handed him the mirror. He sat there for a second, examining every part of the compact, grinning to himself.

As he stood up he kept his focus on the compact in his hands and then he sat in the chair next to Jenn. She watched him as he looked at the compact with a curious smile across his lips.

He turned it over so he would be looking into the mirror and then his smile faded. This was the first time in a very long time that he saw his reflection in a mirror. His eyebrows pushed together as he stared at his reflection in confusion. His mouth fell open a little and his bottom lip shook for a second. He had a look in his eyes that was a mixture of heartache, puzzlement, and hatred. Jenn saw that look in his eyes and grew concerned.

" Brandon what's the matter?"

He shook his head slowly and continued to stare into the mirror. His lip quivered and two tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

" Brandon?"

"That's not right…" He said as more tears fell from his eyes. "That's not right."

"What's not right?" He didn't speak, but continued to softly cry.

His body began to shake as he started to cry harder."I shouldn't look…. That's not me. That's not me." Bam dropped the compact and looked up through the tears.

" Brandon what do you mean? Of course that's you." Jenn bent down and picked up the compact. She held it up to try to show Bam but he closed his eyes. "Look Brandon, it's you."

"Nooooo…. That isn't the way I'm 'sposed to look. That's not me."

" Brandon I don't understand. You look the way you've always looked."

"Nooooo…. Why do I look like that? Why don't I look like me?" He cried harder.

Jenn looked around for some one who might be able to help her calm Bam down. Luckily Phil and April had just arrived. They saw Bam crying and rushed up to him and Jenn.

"What's the matter with him?" Phil asked.

"I… I don't know exactly. He was just looking in the mirror and started freaking out. He keeps saying that, that's not him and that he's not supposed to look like that."

"Here Jenn, let me sit there next to him." Said April.

Jenn stood up and let April take the seat next to Bam. April wrapped her arms around Bam and slowly rocked him in a soothing manner.

"Shh shh baby. Everything is going to be all right."

She began to remember when Bam and Jess were little and they needed her to comfort them for whatever reason. Suddenly she remembered a song that she used to sing to them that always got them to calm down and stop crying.

It was the song she sang where she changed the word daddy to mommy, and the name Sean to either Jesse or Brandon, depending on whom she was singing it to at the time. Some how she thought that the song would work for Bam now. The lyrics and her decision to sing them came naturally to her as she continued to rock Bam in her arms.

"Close your eyes. Have no fear. The monster is gone. He's on the run and your mommy's here."Almost as a reflex, Bam's tears began to slow. "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy."She continued. She stroked the side of Bam's head, smoothing out his hair.

"Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer. Every day and in every way. It's getting better and better. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy." She kissed him on the forehead, wiped a couple of his tears away, and smiled.

His tears ran even slower as she continued her song.

"Out on the ocean sailing away. I can hardly wait, to see you come of age. But I guess we'll both just have to be patient. It's a long way to go, a hard row to hoe. Yes it's a long way to go. But in the meantime…"

He looked up at her once she stopped singing, letting her know that he wanted to hear more.

"Before you cross the street, take my hand."

Bam closed his eyes and began to mouth the words as his mom sang them, just like he did when he was little.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Darling, darling, darling Brandon."

After she finished the last words of her song, Bam sat up and pulled out of her arms. He looked at her without a trace of tears in his eyes.

For a moment the smiling sparkle returned to the sea of crystal blue and his lips curled happily. In that brief moment he had slipped back into reality.

"You… you haven't sung that to me in a long time." He sniffed. "Not since I was… little."

That statement brought a joyful surprise and relief to the faces of his parents and Jenn. Then just like someone came along with an eraser to his face, Bam's smile faded and he looked around him confused.

"Mom? I'm a little boy, right?" They frowned. "If I'm a little boy, then why don't I look it?"

April, Phil and Jenn looked at each other with all of their newfound hope crushed. They had no idea what to tell Bam so they didn't say a word.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Bam was slowly, but surely making improvements since his mini breakdown. He was still believing that he was a young child of about five years, but every once in a while he would have a random moment of reality.

A special psychiatrist was brought in to monitor and analyze Bam's behavior. He would sit down with Bam once a day for therapy sessions, in hope to improve Bam's condition further.

One day after a routine therapy session, Bam and his friends and family were gathered in a room for a surprise meeting held by the psychiatrist.

They were all seated in a semi circle with the psychiatrist, Doctor Dorian, in the center of the room facing all of them. Bam sat in between his parents and stared at Dr. Dorian. He then looked at his mom and dad.

"But I all ready talked to him." He whispered.

"We know Bam Bam. But he wants to talk to all of us now."

"Oh."

Doctor Dorian looked through his folder for a second before turning his attention to everyone else.

"Good afternoon. As you may, or may not know, I'm Dr. Dorian. I have been called in to work one on one with Brandon here." He glanced at Bam, giving him a smile.

Bam smiled back.

"He has shown some improvements since I've been working with him, and I've been able to come to the root of the problem. That is why I wanted to speak to all of you today. I'm going to explain to you about what exactly has been going on with Brandon, and to help you have more of an understanding about it."

The others tuned in to hear what Dr. Dorian was going to say.

"Now it is my understanding that Brandon, prior to entering this state, had been suffering from depression for a while. Am I correct?"

"Yes that's true doctor." Jenn replied.

"Mmm hmmm… And the state he's in now, that pretty much happened overnight, didn't it?" They nodded. Bam looked at them confused and then looked at the doctor.

"Well then, after studying Brandon I've come to a conclusion. Let me break it down in terms that everyone will understand."

"Even me?" Bam asked innocently.

"Yes Brandon, even you." Chuckled the doctor.

"You see, during Brandon's depression he was experiencing, he was dealing with some personal problems, naturally. Apparently his subconscious mind felt as though he wasn't ready to deal with what was concerning him. So the problems, whatever they may be, were pushed aside in another part of his mind for later use. However, this took away a whole mindset from him, and he needed something else in its place."

"So, what you're saying is… Bam was so depressed, he couldn't handle it, so he just…." April paused and snapped her fingers."What am I looking for? He gave himself a new personality?"

"Something like that. But this was brought on by more than just depression. There had to of been something traumatic happen to him that acted as a trigger, like say, something frightened him or took him off guard."

Jenn looked over at Brandon Ryan and Raab. They looked back at her and sank into their chairs once they realized. Guilt was present all over their faces as they began to shrink. Doctor Dorian cleared his throat before he continued.

"Now what ever this trigger was, made the part of his mind that brought on his depression to… to hide so to speak." He said, looking at Bam. "But instead of him completely shutting down, there had to be a new part of his mind to take over and protect him so… he could keep going."

Bam sat up and his eyes widened a little.

"Oh! Like… like… like a screensaver on the computer?"

Dr. Dorian smiled at Bam. "Yes… yes kind of like a screensaver, Brandon. Very clever of you to make that connection. So… Like Brandon just pointed out, another part of his mind took over like a 'screensaver.' In order to protect himself from these problems he wasn't ready to face, created a mindset that had to be pure and virtually free from the concerns of the real world… or in Brandon's case, he had given himself the mind of a child."

They were stunned at the doctor's words. Bam looked at everyone confused.

"Lately the part of his subconscious mind that keeps him in reality has been making appearances. But the other part of his subconscious mind is fighting it, trying to push it away to keep him from harm. Now the longer Brandon keeps this child's mind, the longer it will take him to return to normal. And even once he does return to normal, it will still take some time to work through these personal problems that caused his depression. This is something he'll have to do on his own. In the meantime, we should all work with Brandon, and get him to remember that he's not indeed this child he has made himself."

They all, except for Bam, nodded in agreement. Doctor Dorian stood up and smiled.

"Well that's pretty much all there is to say at the moment. I assure you that if there are any changes in Brandon's condition, you will be informed. Nice meeting with you all."

"Thank you Doctor for clearing everything up." Phil said as he stood up to shake the doctor's hand.

Dr. Dorian nodded and walked away, leaving everyone else with a new glimmer of hope. Bam remained in his chair looking like he was off in his own world.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Bam stood in a dark room. There were no windows or furniture, and the only door was made of thick steel and bolted to the floor.

He stood in the middle of the room breathing heavily as he looked all around him.

"What the fuck is going on? Where am I?"

A mirror appeared before him on a metal stand. It was large enough to reflect his entire body. Even though there was no light in the room, he still could see his reflection well enough to tell that he didn't like it. He looked a mess. His clothes looked as though they had been thrown on after they were living bunched up on the floor in a pigpen of a room for a week. His hair was disheveled and held in place with weeks worth of dirt and grease. His face was filthy and unshaven, and it looked like he hadn't slept in a while. He tried to turn away from the mirror so he wouldn't have to see himself, but every where he turned the mirror appeared right in front of him.

_"Hey you!"_ The familiar voice shouted from behind him.

He shook his head and closed his eyes, too afraid of turning around to see who was standing there. "What… what do you want?" Bam asked, with a shaky voice.

_"Why don't you look at me?"_ The voice asked.

"Don't… don't do this to me. You're not really there! How could you be?"

_"Come on Bam, face me. You have to face me sometime."_

"No! Leave me alone! You're not real!"

_"Oh I'm real."_

Bam felt two hands grab him by the shoulders and turn him around. He kept his eyes closed tight and started breathing hard again.

_"Damn it Bam! Look at me!"_

"No! I won't!"

A hand came across the side of his face hard and fast, causing a stinging sensation in his cheek. His eyes popped open and he brought a hand up to his face and touched the spot where he was slapped. He then looked at the person who was standing there before him.

It was he, the man that he had been avoiding: himself. This Bam looked the way he should have looked, the way his fans were used to seeing him in his pictures. He was well kempt, his clothes looked like they had just been pulled out of the dryer after being washed. and he looked handsome.

This Bam even had a twinkle in his eyes, whether he was smiling or not, which he wasn't at the moment. He folded his arms across his chest and looked at the dirty Bam with a stern scowl.

_"Look at you. You're pathetic! What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

"Don't… don't do this to me."

_"Why shouldn't I? You've been keeping me locked in here for a long time. And for what? To destroy yourself? To rot away in a mental institution?"_ He began to circle the other Bam as he spoke. _"Is that what you want? To make everyone worry about you, and wonder when you're going to be right again? Just because you don't want to deal with me? What the fuck Bam?"_

"Stop. Please stop doing this."

_"Oh hell no! I'm not leaving you alone. You have to face me Bam. Or do you just want to waste away in the hospital?"_

**"Leave him alone!"** Another, much younger voice shouted. **"Stop being so mean to him! Brandon you don't have to listen to him. He's being a meanie." **

The child version of Bam appeared next to the clean Bam.

The clean Bam looked down at the little Bam and smirked. _"What? This is who you've been listening to? You mean you've actually been letting him push both of us around? What's the matter with you?"_

"You don't understand. He keeps me…"

_"Keeps you what, Bam? Safe? Secure? How can this little guy possibly protect you?"_

"I…"

**"Brandon listen to me. You can just get rid of him. All he does to you is get you in trouble**."

"I don't know what to do."

_"What do you mean you don't know what to do? Just… sit on him! Steal his toys! Make him cry! You can get rid of him very easily, he's just a little kid."_

**"Don't listen to him Brandon. He's trying to hurt you."**

"Leave me alone both of you!" Bam started backing away from the two sides of his conscience.

_"Bam it's ok. I'm trying to help you now. You've been listening to this little shit too long now. It's time to bring me back."  
_  
"No I can't. You'll hurt me." He tried not to cry.

_"How will I hurt you? He's the one hurting you. How could you not see that?"_

**"Brandon don't trust him."**

Clean Bam looked at little boy Bam. His eyes bulged and he reached his hands out, as if to grab the boy by the neck. He imitated a monster sounds, causing the boy to run away screaming. Clean Bam then looked at dirty Bam with a satisfied smile.

_"See? That's all you have to do to get rid of him."_

"But how do I know I can trust you?"

_"You've always trusted me before, haven't you?"_

"What do you mean?"

_"Well I'm the one you've always listened to. Every decision you've ever made, everything you've ever said, every prank you've pulled, everything you've ever done, including those nearly impossible skating stunts you've pulled off… that was because you listened to me. Not that little twerp. Why did you stop listening to me, Bam_?"

"I… I don't know."

_"Bam I said this all ready, but I'll say it again."_ He wrapped his arms around the other Bam's shoulders. _"It's time to bring me back. You've got to."_

The original Bam closed his eyes and nodded. When he opened them again he was alone.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Bam kicked his feet a few times. He rolled over, not realizing how close to the edge he was, and fell off of the bed. The blankets somehow managed to wrap and tangle around his legs. Sitting up he rubbed his eyes and grumpily gazed around the room.

"Ooohhh!" He groaned as he tried to untangle himself from the blankets.

He wiggled and squirmed for a second before hitting the palms of his hands on the floor in frustration. A nurse came into his room and chuckled lightly as she caught sight of Bam on the floor.

"Did we fall out of bed?" She asked as she assisted Bam with his blankets.

He grumbled under his breath.

"What was that? I didn't quite catch you."

"Nothin'." He grouched.

"Well now aren't we Mr. Sunshine this morning."

"You're not funny." Bam stood up and crawled back into bed to sulk. The nurse spread the blanket across him.

"Well grumpy butt. What's the matter with you? You're normally so cheerful in the morning."

"I had a bad dream and then I fell out of bed. Geeze, wouldn't you be grumpy too?" He said, while sounding like a cross between himself and the child.

"I suppose so. Why don't you tell me about your dream? Would that make you feel better?"

"No."

"No What? It wouldn't make you feel better?"

"No I don't want to tell you my dream."

"Ok fine. So Brandon are you going to go back to sleep then?"

"Bam." He mumbled.

"What?"

"Bam." He repeated, turning away from her.

"I don't get it. What do you mean by, Bam?"

"I don't want to be called Brandon any more. Call me Bam."

"Oh! Ok, Bam Bam. So you're…"

"No not Bam Bam. Just Bam."

"Ok, just Bam." She smirked. "So you're going to sleep some more I take it?"

"I'm gonna try any way."

"All righty then."

The nurse turned and left Bam alone in his room. Once he was sure that he was alone, Bam opened his eyes and sat up.

He drew his knees up to his chest and rested his hands on them. He felt disturbed by the dream he had. It wasn't making sense to him, and yet part of it made perfect sense.

The thing is, he wasn't sure which part made sense, or even if all of it did. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, trying to get his mind off of the dream.

As he lied back down he folded one arm and placed it behind his head. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep so he decided to concentrate on the ceiling for a while.

The ceiling bored him for it all it was, was plain white tile. Everything in his room was white. White walls, white floor, white sheets, white bedspread… Well his bedspread had a hint of blue in it but it didn't matter. It was very boring to him.

He just wanted to do something to change his surroundings, even if he had to break out of the hospital to do it. All he knew was, he wasn't going to keep his room the way it was.

It needed a Bam touch if he was going to stay there. But how was he going to change it? He didn't have any paint or anything.

He closed his eyes and turned over onto his side. Now instead of thinking about his strange dream, he was trying to think of ways he could make his room more comfortable for him.

_Hey Bam._

His eyes popped open to the sound of his own voice in his head. "W…what?" He sat up and looked around.

_Bam it's me. Please just listen to me_.

"No you're not doing this to me. Not now. That…. That was just a dream."

_If you say so Bam. I'll just be waiting here until you're ready to face me._

"Why are you doing this to me?"

_I'm trying to help you. Now I can't help you if you don't listen._

**Don't listen to him Brandon. He doesn't really wanna help you.**

"No! Not this again! That was just a dream!"

**Brandon it's ok I'm here to help you again.**

_What the fuck? How in the hell did you manage to come back here?_

**I'm always here, just like you. Only I'm here to help Brandon. You just want to hurt him like you did before.**

Bam sat at the edge of his bed staring at the floor. He put his shaking hands over his ears and began to rock back and fourth.

"No! No! Leave me alone!"

_Bam it's ok. All you have to do is listen to me. I'll take care of the little shit_.

**Don't do it Brandon! Don't let him take over!**

"No! Stop it! Please just leave me alone!" He began to cry. "Why are you doing this to me?" He closed his eyes tight and squeezed more tears out.

When he opened his eyes again a box of tissues was held in front of his face.

"That sounds like quite a dream Brandon." Doctor Dorian said as he sat back into his seat.

Bam plucked a tissue from the box and dabbed his tears away. "It seemed like it really happened." He said with a sniff.

"I know, Brandon, I know. Dreams are capable of being like that. They tend to play tricks with your mind."

"I don't want this dream again." He said sounding very much like the little boy. "I don't understand it."

"Well Brandon. That's what we're going to figure out together. It could simply be exactly that, a dream. Or it could be a little more, a compilation of your internal battle with your conscience over control of your mind. I realize that you probably don't understand what I mean by that right now, but we have plenty of time, and much more therapy sessions to figure everything out."

"I don't want to be in the hospital any more. I wanna go home." Bam said softly as he sank into his chair further.

"I know you do Brandon. Believe me, we all want you to be able to go home. We're all doing our best to help you get better. It's also up to you to get better."

"I thought I was."

"You are, you are. But there's so much more you have to do on your own that this therapy can't fix alone."

"Like what?"

"You'll know."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Much of Bam's cereal had gone uneaten and turned into mush. He stirred his plastic spoon around in it slowly as he stared into space.

He was told that he was making a lot of progress but he didn't realize it. All he knew was, he didn't want to be in the hospital any more.

A few times a nurse or two came up to where he sat, to try to talk to him and bring him out of his thoughts. He either responded with a mumbled answer or he didn't respond at all.

That led the nurses to leave him alone. His body was seated at the table with his unfinished breakfast, but the rest of him was trapped in the dark room. The difference was, there were no mirrors following him and there was one light hanging overhead shining down on him, this was the only light in the room.

_"Welcome back Bam."_ Came his voice from the far corner.

He turned and saw himself across the room, leaning against the wall casually.

The clean Bam smiled at him. _"I knew I would see you here again." _

Bam looked at him, then down at himself with a frown. From what he could see, without looking in a mirror, he was still very much a sobbingly mess. He looked up timidly at his counterpart.

"I don't understand what's going on."

_"You don't have to. All you have to do is trust me again."_

"What about…"

_"The little guy? Once you are able to trust me again, you won't have to worry about him any more."_

"You keep telling me to trust you, he keeps telling me to trust him. You're both saying that the other one is trying to hurt me. How do I know which one of you is telling the truth?"

_"You make a good point there, Bam."_ He started to approach him, the smile still upon his lips. _"But what I'd like to know is, why in the hell would you ever listen to a little kid?"_

He was stunned at the question. He never thought about that until that moment. "I… I…" He stammered before closing his eyes.

The other Bam placed a hand on his shoulder. _"It's ok Bam."_

"You're just saying that."

_"No I'm not. Please just trust me. I don't know how many times I can ask you that so…. What do you say? Give me another chance?" _

"I… I don't know. I…"

_"Bam please. Don't make me beg."_

"What if you get me to trust you and it turns out to be a big mistake?"

_"Damn it Bam! When you stopped listening to me, that's when everything got fucked up for you. You thought he was protecting you, but he's causing you more harm than good." _

"No he didn't!"

_"He's the reason why you're in the hospital!"_ he grabbed him by the sides of his face giving him a firm shake. _"Wake the fuck up! For the sake of both of us, and everyone else…" _

"No!" Bam pulled away from him. "I won't listen to you! Fuck off!"

The other Bam shook his head and threw his hands up in the air.

_"I don't believe it. You're just going to give up? That's it?" _

"Yup!"

_"Ok. Ok fine. I didn't want to have to resort to this, but I guess it's the only way I'm going to get you to help yourself."_

He clenched his fist and raised it. Pulling it back, he then put all his strength and force into it. His fist came forward, hard into the original Bam's face. He punched him again, this time drawing blood from his mouth. Another punch, this time much harder, caused him to fall back.

_"You have enough you little bitch?"_ The clean Bam laughed as he stood over him. _"I can and will give you some more!"_

He stood over him and bent down to pick him up by his shirt collar. The injured Bam huffed as he struggled to balance on his feet. He tried to hit him back, but he was pushed back to the floor. He brought his arms up to block more punches, much to no avail. He was bruised and bleeding as the beating went on.

Finally the clean Bam stood back and lowered his fists, while his beaten equivalent lied on the floor struggling to sit up.

_"So. Now are you going to let me help you? Or do you need a little more?"_

Bam looked at him through the pain of his black eyes and tried to catch is breath. He mustered enough strength to nod his head.

_"Are you agreeing to my help or saying you need more?"_

"H…Help me." He sputtered.

_"It's about time."_ He held his hand out for Bam to take.

Bam was reaching for his hand just as the scene was fading away. Someone touched him on the back, causing his to jump in his seat.

He glanced down at the still uneaten cereal then up at whomever was standing there.

"Oh Sorry Bam Bam, didn't think that was going to startle you so much." Said Phil with a smile.

"Oh uh… hi. I didn't know you were coming to see me today."

"Yeah your mom and I decided to stop by and surprise you."

"Hi Brandon!" April said cheerfully as she finally came up to the table where Bam sat.

Bam's eyes brightened and he smiled as he reached out for a hug. "Hi nice to see you."

"So how are you feeling Brandon?" Phil asked.

"I'm fine. Actually I'm a little better now that you're here." He paused. And looked at both of them for a second with a slight frown.

"What's the matter?" asked his mom in concern.

"Nothing… nothing just… could you maybe not call me Brandon or Bam Bam any more?"

His parents were taken aback, but they composed themselves.

"Oh of course."

"If it will make you feel better."

"It will. Just… call me Bam now. I uh…" He glanced away from them to gather his thoughts. "I think it will help me to be better."

April and Phil sighed in relief over Bam's words and sat down on either side of him. They both put their arms around him and they sat there for a while not saying a word.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

He sat in the middle of his bed in Indian style. His hands were placed on either side of his face and he was hunched over with is elbows resting on his legs.

There was a slight grin on his lips, and a bright sparkle ion his teary blue eyes. He was replaying the words he heard the doctor tell his parents over and over in his mind.

Since he's no longer a threat to himself or to others, he can go home at any time… he can go home at any time…

Those words made him so happy, that he didn't know what to do. So he just sat there on his bed and waited until someone came along to release him. His smile grew bigger as he closed his eyes releasing a single tear.

He remembered the thing that was on his mind when he woke up that morning, the very thing that let him know that everything was going to be all right, even before he got the news.It was his mom's voice singing the song that now had a completely new meaning to him.

"Close your eye, have no fear. The monster's gone. He's on the run and your mommy's here… Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer…"

He opened his eyes and softly sang the next two lines of the song to himself. "Every day in every way. It's getting better and better." He reached up and thumbed away another stray tear.

The door opened and the nurse walked in, followed by his parents. Their smiles matched his, both in size and in the feeling behind it.

"Phil, Ape, you've made it." He said with a laugh.

"So, Bam, you ready to go home?' April asked, all ready knowing the answer.

Bam stood up and walked up to them to give them a hug.

"Hell yes." He spoke behind their backs, still in the hug. He pulled away and took a quick glance around the room.

"I can't say it's been nice, or that I'm going to miss this place, because it hasn't and I wont."

"Well let's not waste any time in getting you out of here then." Said Phil.

They walked him to the door and out into the hallway.

The car ride was mostly silent, but there was a content and thankful feeling amongst the three of them. Neither of them felt the need to say much.

April looked behind her to the backseat where Bam sat. She reached behind her as best as she could, and was just barely able to touch Bam with two of her fingers. He took hold of her fingers, hooking his finger around them and gave them a shake.

The car pulled into the snake run driveway and Bam looked out the window towards the approaching house. He smiled once he saw his friends cars parked in the driveway. He was excited, knowing that everyone was inside waiting to see him.

"Ok this is it Bam." Said Phil as he shut the engine off. They got out of the car and advanced the house. Phil looked at Bam.

"Well, go ahead Bam. It's your house, let us in."

Bam beamed with near laughter as he placed his hand on the doorknob. He cautiously opened the door and peered inside.

There was a large banner hanging from the ceiling that read "Welcome Home Bam!" And all of his friends were gathered around where he could see them as he walked in. At the same time they cheered, shouting the same phrase that was on the banner.

They all came up to him, giving him hugs and congratulatory pats on the back and hand shakes. Brandon wrapped his arm around Bam's shoulder.

"You now, Bam. We're all eventually going to wind up in the nut house. That's almost inevitable."

"What's your point Bran?" Bam asked with a laugh.

"Well since you were the first one to go… give us a report about what it's like in there." He joked.

"It's funny Dico." Said Ryan. "I always thought you would beat Bam to the nut house. You all ready have a toe over the line into insanity."

"Are you sure it's not the other way around Dunn?" Asked Rake.

"Yeah, it's more like Dico has a toe over the line into reality!" Raab chimed, causing the others to explode into laughter.

"Well, all kidding aside," Bam said once the laughter died down. "Let's get this party started!"

That said, they followed Bam's cue and started the long awaited celebration. The nightmare was over now, and everyone, Bam especially, could breathe again.


End file.
